I knew that this summer would be challenging, but I expected to be able to manage things. Life is not like that though, is it?

I was prepared, plans had been made, set up with consultation, but many of them are falling apart around me.

I dumped some of my worries in the virtual lap of a couple of friends, which was very wrong, especially as they have enough serious problems in their lives already. I hope they will forgive me. I even took drastic action to prevent myself from being tempted to do that again.

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Later this week I’m getting laser surgery done on my eyes. And I’m not afraid. Once the idea of it terrified me, but these days it seems that nothing is as difficult or worrying as being an autism mum. I’m even looking forward to the six hours sleep afterwards, with someone else minding my children.

I’ve realised that nothing will ever scare me again as much as my daily failure to make life better for my son.

I don’t think I’m a bad mum, because my girls have turned out pretty well: and there were challenges along the way with both of them. But I feel like the worst parent in the world, because I seem to be completely unable to help him to become a well-adjusted, happy, fulfilled and independent adult.

Apart from RDI, all of the advice, strategies and interventions have failed or made things worse here. And we can’t progress any further with RDI as I would need to video our sessions and my son objects to that idea, understandable as he is a teenager!

But I have to keep trying, spurred on by the words of one member of his team…

Read them here

So the Daily Fail says that autism is not a disability?

This article – which I am not going to link to – annoyed me on so many levels. I wonder if the author’s views were misrepresented, as scattered through the article are a few more measured comments that mention the difficulties faced by individuals and their families.

Saying that autism is not a disability implies that those with the diagnosis will need no help or support, yet as parents we know for sure that most do need help, especially when they are children. They need time, love, concern and expertise to help them to lead fulfilling lives as adults.

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Motherhood is an odd experience: we all go into it without professional training, and all the manuals say different things.  And of course every child is different, so getting it right is often more a matter of luck than anything else.  It’s no wonder that motherhood can be a confusing place.  Add special needs into the mix and things get really complicated.

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